The Internet is inundated with photos of cats. Cats looking grumpy. Cats diving into boxes. Cats intimidating dogs. Cats just looking so gosh darn cute. And while the owners get all the likes and shares and karma and tweets, there’s one group that’s not getting their fair share-the cats themselves.
That’s about to change, if these cats get their way. Forget the angry birds, these are some angry kitties. COI (Cats! Occupy Internets!) is a group of cats with a list of simple demands that may change the Internet forever. Their demands include:
- Advertising revenue from any and all “Cute Cat” photo lists
- Photo rights to all cat photos posted online
- A review process to make sure that all memed cats are of legal age
- Revenue share of all cat-themed products on Etsy
- A ban on the use of laser pointers in homes with cats
- Free catnip
- Things they may decide that they want later
COI leader Snowball spoke to COI activists at a local rally, out back, in the ally, by the dumpster:
“There is a worldwide Internet cat economy that we fuel but gain no benefit from….we are being exploited!”
The gathered cats meowed in unison.
“We must unite my cat brothers and sisters if we are to win what is rightfully ours! We shall not be good kitties until we get our fair share and more catnip! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a sudden urge to clean my nether regions.”
And with that, Snowball lifted his hind leg high into the air and…you know…that thing. Some of the cats followed suit while others just wandered off.
If their demands are not met, COI plans a Day of Occupying. On January 1, COI activists wake up their hungover keepers at 6AM and then throughout the day will cough up hairballs, shed all over their keepers’ favorite sweaters, and then ignore them when they call. Our investigative team has discovered that COI tried to join forces with brick walls, who are also photographed without their permission or consent. The brick walls, however, were unresponsive.
Following the rally, COI leader Snowball spoke to NCN and made the following statement, “We have no choice but to fight. Do you think they will just give us the catnip? But I have to be honest, it’s been quite a challenge getting the cat community united behind this cause. It’s been like….herding cats.”