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Rumor: Nikon Executive Overheard at CES


The Internet camera clubs are a wet, chattering mess after a Nikon executive was overheard at the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas, Nevada. Nikon, there to tease the D4S, has been otherwise very tight-lipped about future releases, so any additional or off-the-record conversation is analyzed for clues regarding Nikon’s future plans.

After such huge market successes like the Nikon 1 system and the Nikon Df, Nikondanistas are waiting with bated breath for the next release from big yellow. And while the D4S will undoubtedly be, in the words of Borat “very nice” (Steve Stonewall has already written a pre-emptive review calling the D4S the best camera he’s never touched), the price and size of the camera will keep it out of the hands of most. Nikonians want and crave more new product.

The statement that an anonymous tipster overheard the Nikon executive saying was, “I’d like a cheeseburger, no pickles, an order of fries, and a small coke.” On the surface this may sound like a simple food order, but only the naive and those with a firm grip on reality would take it at face value. Online Nikonauts are analyzing and parsing the statement for the true, hidden meaning.

“Note that he ordered a cheeseburger and not a hamburger” Observes D300 shooter Sinclair Heppingstonsworthsford from South Northfordshire. “Considering what another Nikon executive in England said in another interview (‘I like cheese’), this can only mean that Nikon admits that removing the AA filter in some of their cameras has been a mistake and all future models will include an AA filter, aka ‘cheese.’ I foresee a D400 with 24 megapickles, a magnesium, weatherproof body, and dual SD card slots.”

“The ‘no pickles statement is a clear signal that Nikon is officially quitting the megapickle war,” writes D90 owner  Falco Derrkommisar of Weimar , “and from henceforth will not release cameras with more than 24 megapickles. I predict a D5500 with class-leading video.”

“I’m not a conspiracy theorist,” starts D7100 photog Willie Holler from Kentucky, “but I suspect this statement is a call to arms to all Nikon employees. I fully expect Nikon to go into a full-out war with Canon in 2014 for control of the industry with a complete lineup of DSLR and mirrorless cameras, the likes of which the world has never seen! I see direct competitors to the Canon SL1, EOS-M2, and Powershot SX60.”

“The fries are a thinly veiled reference to their lens lineup; don’t expect any big changes in the near future,” wrote Albert Nottenstein on his blog BigNikonBang.com “otherwise he would have supersized his fries.”

“In ‘Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle’, the protagonists go to White Castle and order similar meals to the Nikon executive.” Deduces ace reporter Ace Reportage. “I am privy to insider information from which you can draw but one conclusion–Aston Kutcher is out. Neil Patrick Harris is going to be the next Nikon spokesperson.”

Following this online theoryfest, Nikon spokespeople have not said a word, but they’re getting hungry.

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  1. But nobody mentioned Chicken Nuggets? The Nikon 1 is doomed. Doomed, I tell you. DOOOOOOMED.

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