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Local Photog Maintains Self-Esteem with Camera Envy


We’ve all been there before…stuck in a photographic rut, uninspired by our photos, a little down on this little hobby of ours. Local photographer Johnson Johnson has figured out a surefire way to escape the doldrums–he goes for a photowalk.

This isn’t just any ole photowalk though. Johnson goes with a mission; to prove that he’s got the baddest photography kit around.

“I love jumping on the train and heading to Times Square in New York,” says Johnson. “I bring the Billingham Hadley Pro stuffed with my Leica M kit – two bodies, one with the 24mm f/1.4 Summilux M, and the other with the 75mm f/2.0 APO Summicron M. On an autumn day, I’ll accessorize with my favorite waxed cotton jacket.”

“I love feeling superior to all of the plebes with their DSLRs and mirrorless cameras. Most of them have got little more than kit zooms with them; I bet they’ve never even removed the lens LOL. Never mind the point-and-shoot and smartphones. They’re not even trying. I pity them.”

“Every once in a while, I’ll come upon a shooter that thinks he’s the big dog; he’s got his padded Lowepro backpack and is hoisting a Canon 5Diii or Nikon D800 with a 24-70 F2.8 zoom. I’ll nonchalantly flash my kit, and then pretend as if I’m reaching into my bag to pull out a lens that costs more than his whole kit. I’ll mumble “Did I bring the Noctilux?” just loud enough so that he can hear me, and he’ll invariably slink off, defeated.” Encounters like this make Johnson want to roar like a lion king, but he’s classier than that; he tweets his victories to his 25 followers.

Thus re-energized, Johnson heads home to review his obviously superior photos. Sometimes, when he’s feeling frisky, he’ll update his avatar. Tonight, it’s a picture of him with his gear spread out on the table before him as if they were jewels.

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  1. Now I am pissed! I felt so superior with my GR and you tell me I need two(!!!) leica bodies and Noctilux….My life will never be the same….

  2. Here I am with a Nikon P500 bridge camera lightweight, has 22mm to 800 mm built into the camera (no bag needed). I watch the DSLR faithful with their camera bags and tripods lugging along the city landscape. I watch them changing lenses and getting in position for the best shot this world or any world will ever see. And when this is all taking place I shoot them. I shoot wide, I shoot long, I shoot 1080 video. They see me shooting them and then go back to changing their lenses, looking around to see what interest them, gets their tripod setup and I shoot them again. I have some really nice frames to print and yes they came out pretty good.

  3. Just a note: this site could be really very clever and more “Onion-like” if you didn’t try to explain things to the readers. In another post you felt compelled to explain the term “Veblen” (as in Veblen goods.) We know what it means. And in this post you wrote: “Tonight, it’s a picture of him with his gear spread out on the table before him as if they were jewels.” Leave out the “as if they were jewels” part. It’s already clear why he spreads out his gear on the table. Satire is very difficult stuff to do well. One has to get into the mindset that what you are making a parody of is actually real. One needs to be subtle and witty and not so obvious. It’s not easy to write good satire and it takes a LOT of work. You have a good idea here, but work on it more (and keep a better eye out on the misspellings and grammatical errors; those errors gives it less credibility.) Satire is making a joke out of something that is in fact, true to life. You have to make it sound real but with a very subtle cleverness. Otherwise it’s just too predictable and no longer becomes effective satire.

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