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Paparazzi Annoyed by IPhone-Wielding Celebrities


Emboldened by Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, celebrities around the globe are pointing their iPhones at the paparazzi that shadow and photograph their every move, turning the lens on the media’s endless quest for filler.

Paparazzi everywhere are understandably upset about having their photo taken without their consent.

“You know, it’s really not fair that they take my photo and post it online. I was having a bad hair day so I wore a baseball cap backwards, and I’ve put on some weight in the past year, and that shirt I was wearing is a work shirt, not really a shirt that I like to get photographed in.”

– Sal Zumino


“It’s insulting to be photographed by the celebrities with their iPhones. I mean, it’s a decent camera for a smartphone, but that wide angle lens makes me look about twenty pounds fatter than I really am. I’ve worked hard to cultivate a professional, attractive online profile because I’m on eHarmony right now. Don’t ask, it’s a long story, but let’s just say that there was a duck involved.”

– Hank Framezpersec


“I went to the park with my wife and infant son. We were enjoying the day, when all of a sudden this celebrity walks up to us and starts taking our picture. I mean, the iPhone has a wide angle, so they had to get real close. And then another celebrity saw what was going on and joined in. Pretty soon, there were a dozen celebrities hounding us, taking our photos, and posting them on Instagram. It ruined our time in the park.”

– Jose Canusee


“A celebrity took my photo the other day and got it all wrong. It was midday, it was hot, and there were hard shadows across my greasy face. There should be a law against this. I mean, they’re celebrities after all, so they ‘asked for it.’ I’m just a private citizen, where are my rights?”

– Aleva Alonne


The National Association of Paparazzi (NAP) are planning a symposium to discuss this issue at length at their annual meeting in Venice Beach, CA. The Screen Actors Guild has released a statement outlining their plans to send 100 unemployed actors to ‘cover’ the event and every waking moment of the participants.


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