Local officials, a team of particle physicists from CERN, and a fellow known simply as “The Doctor” have descended upon the Cosina Voigtländer engineering offices in Japan to investigate reports of a hole in the fabric of space-time. The hole is thought to have been caused by the testing of an ultra-fast F0.0 lens, designed to capture even the faintest light.
The lens, codenamed “The Black Hole” was being built by a skunkworks team of Voigtländer lens designers with the sole purpose of competing in the LoHi Canaries in a Coalmine Championship. But something went very wrong on the test bench, causing the tear. In a precautionary move, officials evacuated ten city blocks and have asked everyone with a 5 kilometer radius to extinguish all lights and anything generating radiation anywhere along the electromagnetic spectrum. The Doctor, wearing a safety fez, was overheard saying quite excitedly, “If we feed this thing, the event horizon may grow, swallowing everything including time itself!”
Cosina officials are dismissive of the dire warnings and wild gesticulations of The Doctor, confident that they can sew the tear and continue with design of the F0.0 lens. “It’s just a small hole. A little duct tape should close it up good.” said a Cosina spokesperson. Their interest in the lens is historical—nobody has ever created a lens that fast—as well as financial. If they can successfully manufacture the lens without completely obliterating the solar system, Cosina expects to sell “The Black Hole” in Micro Four-Thirds mount to Internet camera owners bent on proving to the world that you can get good subject isolation even with the baby sensors that they use.