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Flowers Unhappy with Photographers


[Overheard in the NCN award-winning botanical garden this weekend.]

Peony: Another beautiful day on the way!

Lily: Yes it is! Winter’s finally gone!

Rose: It’s going to be a wonderful Spring! I can feel it in my roots.

Azalea: Good morning everyone!

Group: Good morning!

Azalea: Anyone attract any bees yet?

Lily: No bees yet. An ant stopped by though.

Rose: I think it’s still early. I need a couple more days of warm temperatures and strong sun to really stretch out.

Azalea: True ‘dat. Me too.

Lily: You’re going to be great this year, Rose. I can just feel it.

Rose: Thanks Lily!

Peony: I just hope that the photographers don’t get in the way again.

Rose: I know! Right? We work so hard to be beautiful, and they come along with their ugly cameras and ugly tripods and besmirch our view.

Lily: I don’t think that they realize that this {leaf pointing at budding flower} takes a lot of work! It doesn’t happen overnight, and frankly it’s not for them. We’ve evolved to attract birds and bees, not clumsy, oafish, sweater vest wearing picture takers.

Azalea: Speaking of vest, did you see that one guy last year? He had one of those vests with all of those pockets. Sure it’s practical, but my goodness what a fashion faux pas!

Lily: I was just planted, but I’ve heard about those photographers. I think a photo vest would look good on you, Azalea!

[flowers chuckle]

Rose: You would hope that they would appreciate all the effort we go through to look beautiful and in return  might spend an extra minute looking for something nice to wear.

Azalea: I suspect, Rose, that they don’t have a lot of variety in their closets. Black, black, 18% grey, 18% grey, black, navy blue, black, hunter green, 18% grey…

[flowers giggle]

Peony: And it’s not just the clothes-they literally can’t take the heat and start sweating on the first warm day! Sweaty photographers are scaring away the bees. Worse than that, some of them are drawing the bees to them instead of to us!

Rose: I hear you, sister!

Lily: True, but I do get the sense that some of the photographers really love us.

[flowers nod in unison]

Rose: You’re right. It’s just that some of them have no regard for their own hygiene.

Azalea: Not only that, have you seen some of the cameras they’ve been using?

Peony: If I see another blobby DSLR with a kit lens pointed at me, I swear…

Azalea: Even worse are those smart phones and tablets. I’m so over Instagram and Pinterest!

Rose: I hear you. I don’t need no stinkin’ art filter!

Lily: LOL, but some of those cameras are nice. Those Fuji’s are quite nice.

Rose: Yeah, but their just Leica knock-offs. Last year I spotted a real Leica!

[flowers gasp]

Rose: If I recall, it was an older gentleman. He was dressed nice—pressed slacks, freshly pressed button down shirt, leather camera bag…

[flowers swoon]

Dandelion: Oh my freakin’ goodness! What a bunch of hot house prima donnas you all are! Poor little flowers, getting your picture taken by camera-vest wearing photographers. If I have to sit here for one more minute listening to your mindless babble I’m going to blow my head off!

Azalea: You’re just jealous.


  1. Looks like all the perennials are wise to us now. We need to pick on the clueless annuals this year. Carnations, Phlox, and Pansies – we’re headed your way!

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