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Photographer Divorces Camera, It Gets Ugly


Photographer: This is hard for me, because these last 12 months have been the best 10 months of my life.

Olympus OM-D E-M1: Why just 10 months?

Photographer: Because it took me a month to understand you…and…

Olympus OM-D E-M1: and…what?

Photographer: …and…this last month I’ve been doing some “research”

Olympus OM-D E-M1: Research! Oh, I know what “research” means!

Photographer: It’s not like that! I haven’t cheated on you. I’ve just been looking at the Panasonic GH4, reading reviews and stuff online.

Olympus OM-D E-M1: I can’t….I can’t believe this is happening. You know I don’t like you looking at those websites. They are NSFW and not safe for this household.

Photographer: No, it’s not like that.

Olympus OM-D E-M1: It most certainly is. And the terrible thing is…it’s my cousin!

Photographer: I’m sorry.

Olympus OM-D E-M1: Like hell you are. Did you….did you….touch her?

Photographer: I….I….just for five minutes in the shop.

Olympus OM-D E-M1: Bwaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

Photographer: Listen…

Olympus OM-D E-M1: [sobbing] Don’t “Listen” me!

Photographer: But…

Olympus OM-D E-M1: You knew going into this that I wasn’t into “open” relationships. I’m a traditional camera from a traditional family. Oh my god, what is the family going to say!

Photographer: I’m sure they’ll understand. After all, they got through that big rift when Four-Thirds was abandoned.

Olympus OM-D E-M1: How DARE you talk about my family like that!

Photographer: I’m sorr…

Olympus OM-D E-M1: For the last 12 months I’ve done everything for you. I’ve taken photos and videos of your cats, the trees in the back yard, and that one big trip to New York.

Photographer: We had a great time, didn’t we?

Olympus OM-D E-M1: [bawling]…you’re not allowed to reminisce!

Photographer: I’m sorr…

Olympus OM-D E-M1: Why? Why? WHY?

Photographer: You don’t shoot 4K video.

Olympus OM-D E-M1: You don’t need 4K video for the crap that you shoot. And that flavor of the month can’t walk down the street without shaking like there’s an earthquake.

Photographer: But I want the ability to crop and pan in post.

Olympus OM-D E-M1: You’re just making those words come out of your face. You barely know how to use a video editor.

Photographer: But I’ve got big plans…

Olympus OM-D E-M1: Like hell you do! Your hard drive is filled with crap. I’m no Leica, but I know the difference between a real photographer and a camera owner.

Photographer: That hurts.

Olympus OM-D E-M1: Well I’m glad it’s hurting you for a change. You’ve ruined my life!

Photographer: This isn’t easy for me…

Olympus OM-D E-M1: Like hell it isn’t! I should have known this was going to happen. After all, we started seeing each other while you were still with that Canon!

Photographer: I’m sorry. I thought that this time was going to be different.

Olympus OM-D E-M1: Yeah right. And before that it was that Sony.

Photographer: No. It’s not like that.

Olympus OM-D E-M1: It most certainly IS like that. You’re a serial monogamist. You can’t commit. I actually feel sorry for you.

Photographer: No! It’s just…it’s just…

Olympus OM-D E-M1: You said I was perfect! You said I had everything you were looking for in a camera.

Photographer: It’s not me. It’s you.

Olympus OM-D E-M1: I can’t believe this is happening.

Photographer: Can we go for one more walk? You know…for old time’s sake?

Olympus OM-D E-M1: Don’t touch me.



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  1. I skipped divorcing my camera (the one with big gapping hole in it…) by “accidentaly” washing her with my other clothes…now, prove I am a killer!

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