Home Industry

RUMOR: Hasselblad To Buy Canon, Reinvigorate Cameras


Contrary to many of the rumors floating around the Interwebs, NCN has received information from a reliable source that Hasselblad is moving forward diligently and aggressively to buy Canon. Key to Hasselblad’s plans to revitalize the sleeping giant is a complete makeover of Canon’s current product line. “Canon cameras look like they’ve been in a science oven* too long. Canon has not been sexy since Andre Agassi had hair. We need to bring sexy back to Canon. ” says our confidential source. And lest you think that these changes will be purely cosmetic, think again; our raincoat and fedora-wearing source says Hasselblad is also changing the names of the cameras. Following current Hasselblad naming conventions, our sources claim that the following changes will be made:

  • X000D/Txi line of entry-level consumer DSLRs will be renamed Mercury.
  • X0D line of mid-level consumer DSLRs will be renamed Venus.
  • 6D line of full frame cameras will be named Jupiter.
  • 7D will be renamed Haley’s Comet with a product refresh scheduled every 75 years.
  • 5D line will be renamed Pluto.
  • 1D line will be renamed Neptune.
  • EOS-M line will be renamed Uranus.

All cameras will be offered in a variety of wood and leather finishes, including brown Tuscan leather, mahogany, olive wood, wenge, and more. When asked about Hasselbad’s current partnership with Sony, our source said, “Yes, we know that we must terminate our partnership with Sony. We appreciate the opportunity to completely revitalize the Sony brand, but now we must turn our considerable technical, production, and marketing talents to Canon.”

Hasselblad Uranus in Wenge

“Just wait until you touch Uranus!” says our super mega secret source. Just looking at the super secret spy photos, we can’t wait!


* microwave


Follow NCN on the Facebooks, Twitters, and that other thing for the latest camera news.


  1. How wide can Uranus open up and still be sharp? If you stop Uranus down all the way, will there be issues?

    • If Uranus is stuck in the stopped down position, try manipulating your aperture lever back and forth to loosen it up.

      • I dunno . . . . . I’m thinkin’ if the Uranus is stuck in the stopped down position it may require more than lever manipulation. Probably gonna need some lubricant. Castor oil or something like that, eh?

Complaint Form