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SCOOP! Nikon Working on Organic Sensors!


NCN moles inside the Nikon skunkworks are telling us that Nikon engineers are hard at work on developing an organic sensor. But the story doesn’t end there – Nikon is working on a whole new family of organic sensors that may very well change the face of photography. Some of the organic sensor technologies currently being explored include:

Gluten-Free Sensor

Especially designed for gluten-intolerant photographers, gluten-intolerant subjects, or those just looking to hop on the latest foodie bandwagon. The sensor will let photographers take a photo, and then turn to their family, friends, and anyone within earshot and say, “It’s gluten free!” with an expression of smug self-satisfaction.

Probiotic Sensor

Enriched with billions of beneficial probiotic bacteria, the probiotic sensor will help photographers with irregular bowel movements.

Free-Range Sensor

Sensors are fabricated on a farm where there is plenty of sunlight, fields of weeds (they had grass but, without the help of 2-methyl-4-chlorophenoxy, 2,4-Dichlorophenoxyacetic acid, and 3,6-dichloro-o-anisic acid, et. al., the weeds took over) and fresh air. Free Range Sensors will be great for landscapes, not so good indoors.

CrossFit Sensor

Not exactly organic, but it is related. The CrossFit sensor is expected to be a very toned and aerobically conditioned sensor that will never accept “good enough” from the photographer. Special circuitry enables the sensor to yell, “Is that the best that you’ve got?! Give me MORE!!!!” after each photo is taken until the photographer collapses, pukes, and then goes and tells their friends about it.

Our moles tell us that Nikon had also considered a kale sensor but determined that too few people actually liked kale. Similarly, they’ve been experimenting with multi-grain sensors but do not wish to draw comparisons to Kodak Tri-X. Sadly, all of these innovative sensor ideas are destined for the 1” CX sensor as found in the Nikon 1 series of mirrorless cameras. So despite all of the innovationeering, they’ll be crap. Because of equivalence.


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  1. I like my sensors the old fashioned way, full of gluten, heavily modified corn starch, and MSG. Hopefully the canola oil on the shutter mechanism won’t get on the sensor, since after all it IS a Nikon…

  2. The next step is to make the camera bodies made from pressed cardboard. Don’t worry, it will have the usual amount of Nikon “weather sealing” that we have come to expect over the years.

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