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Scientists Discover New Condition, “Bokeh Dysfunction”

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The American Medical Journal has published a study that cites a newly discovered relationship between bokeh and virility.

In a meta analysis that tracked over 10,000 photographers over a five year period, cumuloepidemiologists from University of Pennsyltucky have discovered that photographers with “a strong interest in bokeh” have on average 0.3 fewer children per household, fewer changes in their Facebook relationship status, and purchase fewer “adult toys.” These findings suggest quite provocatively that photographers with a strong interest in bokeh are, on average, less virile than other photographers.

For this multi-year study, researchers (read, cheap as chips grad students) analyzed the online profiles of photographers, scanning their social media accounts like Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace, photo sharing sites like Flickr and Instagram, online camera forums, and credit card purchase data. Assisted by sophisticated software developed by the NSA, they looked for patterns and correlations in the sea of data. What they found surprised them.

Chief researcher Dr. Sandra Kinsey notes, “When we first started the study, we were simply looking for patterns in the behaviors and preferences of photographers; this was not intended to be a study in sexuality. But time and time again the data pointed in one direction; it was hard to ignore and after a while, we couldn’t take our eyes off it. The study, which included both male and female photographers, showed a clear correlation between a photographer’s fascination with bokeh and their virility.”

Researchers have dubbed this correlation “Bokeh Dysfunction.”

Dr. Kinsey continues, “As we researched further into the Bokeh Dysfunction phenomena, we realized that it was not some undiscovered chemical connection between photons and reproductive organs that’s causing the reduced virility. Instead, it’s the sheer boredom of the sexual partner of a photographer that obsesses over bokeh. Time and time again, when analyzing subjects with a ’strong interest in bokeh’ we found Facebook posts and Tweets from their sexual partners like, ‘Candles, wine, Barry White on the hi-fi…and she’s reaching for her F1.2 to take photos of the candles. Goodnight I guess…’ and ‘Too bad that’s an 85mm F1.4 in your pocket…’. Interestingly, Bokeh Dysfunction does not correlate with the subjects’ own perceived virility. If anything, we are finding an inverse relationship.”

Dr. Kinsey is the first to admit that more needs to be done to fully understand Bokeh Dysfunction, and is seeking grant funding from Voigtländer and Trojan to continue the team’s research.

 

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