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BREAKING: Photokina 2014 Abruptly Cancelled!

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In a stunning and shocking turn of events, event organizers, along with industry leaders have cancelled Photokina 2014, the huge bi-annual industry event that was scheduled to start in just a few days.

This is truly a logistics nightmare–many companies are already on site constructing elaborate booths and displays that will now have to be taken down. Thousands upon thousands of flight and hotel reservations will now have to be cancelled and at great cost to everyone involved. But nearly everyone is in agreement-the launch of the new IPhone 6 makes the entire photographic industry redundant and, ultimately, doomed.

NCN spoke with key industry leaders about this cataclysm:

Steve Stonewall

“If this was Star Trek, the iPhone would be the Borg, assimilating and annihilating everything in its path”

Panasonic

“Micro Four-Thirds partner Olympus wants to stay in business as long as they can and say that they have special accounting methods to make that possible. But for Panasonic, we have no choice but to withdraw from the photography business. It is not, however, the end of Panasonic; as long as Apple stays out of our core verticals-massage chairs and toaster ovens-we are safe.”

Nikon

“We cannot keep up this expensive charade any longer. It’s over, and it’s been over since 2007. We keep trying to breathe life into this dead corpse but after a while, you must sit back and say, ‘What’s that smell?'”

Sony

“We keep telling ourselves, ‘Don’t worry. It gets better.’ And we release more and more boxes with holes in it for…what do you call those things? Those cylinders with glass in them? About the size of my fist? No matter, we release more and more boxes with holes in them in the vainglorious hope that things will change. But it doesn’t. Apple just gets bigger and bigger. We see the writing on the wall. The wall is far away, and we wish that we had one of those things-those cylinders with glass-damn the name escapes me at the moment-so that we can see what the writing on the wall says. It doesn’t matter though, because Apple just sent us a text message, ‘All your market are belong to us.’”

Ricoh-Pentax

“We have scheduled an emergency board meeting next week to decide what to do next-liquidate all assets or go all-in with the Pentax Q.”

Fuji

“We are going into hiding. We will bury ourselves in the ground for 17 years and hope that Apple will be doing something else when we emerge.”

Canon

“This is truly a difficult time for us, as we still have warehouses full of old sensors. We were hoping that the industry would last a little while longer so that we could introduce the T6i, T7i, T8i, T9i and so on until our warehouses were nearly empty. But now we have all of this now worthless inventory.”

Leica

“Leica would like to take this opportunity to announce the new LeicaPhone. Produced in association with LG (we dropped Panasonic like a rotten tomato), the LeicaPhone features the Android operating system, a 4.7” touchscreen, and a 35mm f/2 Summicron lens. Prices for the LeicaPhone will start at $34,000 with 4Gb RAM and a two-year contract.”

At this point, officials are making no plans for Photokina 2016 and have instructed anyone with any more questions to meet them at the hotel bar. They’ll be there for quite a while.

9 COMMENTS

  1. Olympus is still waiting to see if Apple can put 5-axix IBIS in a phone to stabilize drunken selfies.

  2. An angry fuji rep says that to counter Apple, Fuji might go into the telephone market and launch a corded telephone with rotary dials and synthesized static and cracking noises, to invoke the nostalgia of making phone calls the way phone calls are supposed to be made. Rumor has it the product might be called the Fuji Apple, available in classic black or silver carbonite.

  3. I told you so!!! There’s nothing to be invented, nothing to be improved!!! Just one more colour (a cemetary gray) for Pentax Q in Japan and that’s it!

  4. I hear that all of the coffee drinking, Paul Bunyan beard wearing ‘fixie’ bike riding, ironic hipsters are going back to the pinhole cameras and the Ansel Adams-esque box field cameras in lieu of real DSLRs or 4:3rd units. Alas, they will still need their iPhone 6’s “for the GPS” and zillion megapixel cameras. So sad. I am quitting photography tonight and taking up macrame’.

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